It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
