Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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