hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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