she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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