I can tuck mytits in my pants
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
