Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
