Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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