i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
