1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
people are starting to question the shark bite story
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Are we still banned from the library?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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