If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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