I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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