just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
