his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My ATM looks so different sober.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
