fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
