i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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