I puked a lego.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
