He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
