I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
