Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
