this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She's the barista slut.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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