Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
