i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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