you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
