maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
