I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
