Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
