The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I bet he comes in French.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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