be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I need water and some morals
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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