she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just want to make out with him forever
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize