ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
