so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dick very happy bro
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
