Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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