Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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