I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
