I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i've created a new STD.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
