So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
