I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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