i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
