i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize