I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
