so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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