Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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