Cold hands, warm shart.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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