She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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