Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
