I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
