where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I skipped work to stalk him.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
