dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
