So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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