I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
