Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
