I wish they made helmets for livers.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
