I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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