YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
