just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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