DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
