in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
