i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
