She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When are your genitals available?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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