oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
