So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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