You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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