There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't turn off my feet"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
