Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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