I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize