I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
