Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
