I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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