Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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