wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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