their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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