1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
