She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
