I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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