Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
