I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
