I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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