Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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