So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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