so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We talked him into tasing himself.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
