The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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