fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
