people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
