Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I could fuck to npr.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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