God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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