He felt like a one man threesome
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
