they need to just BURY HIM!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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