If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
