I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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