i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
