Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
