I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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