Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
