You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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