Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
