i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
