how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize