I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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