Whod you bang
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
