a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
