So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
