I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
