my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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