Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize