just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
