that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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