you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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