y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
