you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
