lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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