How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize