guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
